I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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