I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
