The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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