It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Enjoy the penises
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
