its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
