Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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