I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
