someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
