Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
