somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
