He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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