I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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