I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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