theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
