ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you win again, gameday.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize