I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
