you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
