i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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