batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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