matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
