just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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