Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
