yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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