What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nutella sex= disaster
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
