..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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