I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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