You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
