He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
