Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
