Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
