I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize