I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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