i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We smell like vodka and hangover
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
