The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
