I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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