Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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