Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
