And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
