Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize