Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
