You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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