Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize