:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
