the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
