my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
bring money and cleavage
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
