I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it because I queefed?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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