I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
