Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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