She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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