You smell like stripper and shame
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
