I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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