uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
