shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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