Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize