Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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