Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
