just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
