i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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