Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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