Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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