Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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