omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
