we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
