Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize