Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
