Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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